A reminder (and an insight for those new to this blog) of what SMOULDER is about as a concept, and how it came to be; SMOULDER is the financial thought process I recommend in place of FIRE, and one which works far better for those on low incomes, or for whom disability and other life circumstances have fractured career progression beyond any point of financial recovery. Simple Mindset, Ongoing Usefulness: Life Direction: Employed Restfulness.
SMOULDER is a journey, rather than a destination. It's a Sunday morning stroll, not an Olympic sprint.
The core focus of this blog is about my own life transition, from Warrior Archetype mindset to Magician Archetype mindset, which is part of the transition process of turning 40 as a man in the UK (something which, for me, will be happening in just under a month), and particularly as a trans man, an aspect of my identity which I am newly trying to reconnect with, and fully integrate into my identity, having completed my transition, as far as I am able to given financial and other challenges, 16 years ago, having started 18 years ago this December. (As part of that, I'll be celebrating my "true" 18th birthday later this year, as well as my chronological 40th birthday next month...watch this space!)
Discussing financial mindsets is a natural part of that process, because financial management is central to all male archetypes (the traditional archetypes for men, which I personally connect strongly with as a concept, are King, Warrior, Magician, Lover), because whoever we are, whoever we become, we live in a society which is powered by money - whether you support capitalism or not, commerce and trade underpins every society, and that's very unlikely to change.
SMOULDER is a journey, rather than a destination. It's a Sunday morning stroll, not an Olympic sprint.
The core focus of this blog is about my own life transition, from Warrior Archetype mindset to Magician Archetype mindset, which is part of the transition process of turning 40 as a man in the UK (something which, for me, will be happening in just under a month), and particularly as a trans man, an aspect of my identity which I am newly trying to reconnect with, and fully integrate into my identity, having completed my transition, as far as I am able to given financial and other challenges, 16 years ago, having started 18 years ago this December. (As part of that, I'll be celebrating my "true" 18th birthday later this year, as well as my chronological 40th birthday next month...watch this space!)
Discussing financial mindsets is a natural part of that process, because financial management is central to all male archetypes (the traditional archetypes for men, which I personally connect strongly with as a concept, are King, Warrior, Magician, Lover), because whoever we are, whoever we become, we live in a society which is powered by money - whether you support capitalism or not, commerce and trade underpins every society, and that's very unlikely to change.
This week, we'll take a look at the Life Direction aspect of SMOULDER.
Life Direction is less about the literal progression of your life in observable milestones, and more about the mental map you have of the journey you want your life to be on. Life Direction, as part of SMOULDER, says "there isn't a destination; life is just a continuous journey. Life Direction is about what you want the landscape around you to look like."
For a long time (most of the past 10yrs) I've felt resentful, believing that I've had to change the focus of my Life Direction because my twenties got wiped out first by the onset of a serious psychiatric illness, which was largely triggered by the unexamined gender dysphoria I'd been dealing with since I was five years old
Life Direction is less about the literal progression of your life in observable milestones, and more about the mental map you have of the journey you want your life to be on. Life Direction, as part of SMOULDER, says "there isn't a destination; life is just a continuous journey. Life Direction is about what you want the landscape around you to look like."
For a long time (most of the past 10yrs) I've felt resentful, believing that I've had to change the focus of my Life Direction because my twenties got wiped out first by the onset of a serious psychiatric illness, which was largely triggered by the unexamined gender dysphoria I'd been dealing with since I was five years old
(and threw a tantrum at school at the idea I would have to wear a police woman's uniform in a school play - for the Gen Z's and younger out there, in the early 90s, when I was in primary school, police women wore very different uniforms to their male colleagues - impractical skirts, boater-style hats, handbags...I remember the absolute drama that ensued, without the existence of social media, when the (very sensible) decision was made that police officers of all genders would wear the same practical uniform that had always been worn by male officers...that's made me immune to a lot of the frothing and pearl-clutching about trans people and trans rights now; people just don't like encountering change, or new concepts, but they eventually learn to cope),
and the process of medical transition. (Which, contrary to JK Rowling and her government pals, isn't a case of "go to the GP on Friday, get scheduled for surgery Monday, having left with hormones" - it took me fifteen months to even get referred to a specialist gender clinic, because of the psychiatric illness I was already being treated for, during which I had to have monthly sessions with a psychiatrist who was specialised in gender identity disorders, as well as the shrink I was already seeing for the psychiatric condition I'd been diagnosed with. After that, it took three months for me to be prescribed hormones. Six months to be referred for my first surgery. Nine months to be referred for my second. At every point in this process I was having to travel monthly to London for interrogative appointments. Something I wouldn't be able to afford to do now, and which stopped me being able to afford to do anything else at the time, because I was having to travel by coach, which meant I often had to include overnight accommodation, as well as travel.)
The impact of serious mental illness and transition on my twenties obviously impacted my ability to begin building a career, something which was already challenging because I was medically banned from driving and living in a very rural area, without family support.
Things began to stabilise towards the end of my twenties - mostly, and heartbreakingly, because my father died, and I was able to buy a property in a less rural area outright with my share of his life insurance. I tried launching a bricks and mortar business, and, while it didn't succeed, it didn't derail things either. (I did the worst thing possible in business - arrived too early with a concept; in my case, the now very well-accepted idea of individual creatives renting shelf space in a shop). I tried to establish my first consultancy business (and learnt that I needed to work on being a lot more aggressive when large organisations decided they could just...not pay their invoices, after benefitting from the service...I had to drop that consultancy because of these non-payers, but, in retrospect, I wasn't experienced enough in life to be running a consultancy business; I knew about being trans and experiencing rural isolation, but I didn't have the life experience yet to connect either of those things to wider business challenges.) I got married - something I'm still, 10yrs later, processing feelings about. My wife is the best thing that's ever happened to me, I wouldn't want to not have her in my life, but marriage, even with someone who is perfectly suited to you, and whom you love, is hard. And something I'm coming to realise I may not be best suited to, temperamentally.
At 31, I got a job which I thought would become my lifelong career. It was a marketing communications role with a national retailer who was in the process of becoming an international presence. I spent over 3hrs a day, across two buses and 25mins each way of walking, to get to that job. I loved it. I made friends within my all-male team. I felt like I belonged somewhere, for the first time in my life.
Then the second of the two buses each way I needed to get to the job got scrapped. Walking from the city centre out to the job site, having got into the city on the earliest bus I could get, would have seen me be almost an hour late to work. Walking back wouldn't have been possible at all in winter - I'm night blind, and the first four of the six mile walk had neither pavements or streetlights. On one occassion, walking back to the bus stop, I fell into an unguarded roadwork trench (and still turned up, relying on a walking stick, cut and bruised, the next day - we were going into Black Friday, and I'd only started three weeks before...) Taking taxis in wasn't possible - they were all committed to school runs, and the £18 a trip fare wasn't affordable five days a week, twice a day.
Had that bus been scrapped six months later, I'd probably still have that job, because the company would have been compelled by the Covid-19 pandemic to allow working from home. At the time, in 2019? I asked. They refused. The role, they insisted, could not be worked remotely. I couldn't afford to live nearer to work (houses within walking distance were going for over £300k in 2019...at the time I'd've been lucky to get £80k for the house I'd brought in 2014 for £69,500... I didn't earn enough to meet the income requirements for rentals that were more than a room in someone else's house in that area, and, having a wife and pets, living in one room whilst still maintaining another house wasn't an option - my wife's disabilities mean she's never been able to work, so it's always just been my income.) My only option was to resign.
I resigned, and went into my third business, using the degree I'd completed online whilst working this job, a Bsc in Nutrition and Natural Medicine. I created lifestyle regime templates, and made skincare, both of which I sold at fairs as a lead-in to promoting my one-to-one consultancy services...
...things were just starting to go well, with the first consultations coming in from the fairs...
The impact of serious mental illness and transition on my twenties obviously impacted my ability to begin building a career, something which was already challenging because I was medically banned from driving and living in a very rural area, without family support.
Things began to stabilise towards the end of my twenties - mostly, and heartbreakingly, because my father died, and I was able to buy a property in a less rural area outright with my share of his life insurance. I tried launching a bricks and mortar business, and, while it didn't succeed, it didn't derail things either. (I did the worst thing possible in business - arrived too early with a concept; in my case, the now very well-accepted idea of individual creatives renting shelf space in a shop). I tried to establish my first consultancy business (and learnt that I needed to work on being a lot more aggressive when large organisations decided they could just...not pay their invoices, after benefitting from the service...I had to drop that consultancy because of these non-payers, but, in retrospect, I wasn't experienced enough in life to be running a consultancy business; I knew about being trans and experiencing rural isolation, but I didn't have the life experience yet to connect either of those things to wider business challenges.) I got married - something I'm still, 10yrs later, processing feelings about. My wife is the best thing that's ever happened to me, I wouldn't want to not have her in my life, but marriage, even with someone who is perfectly suited to you, and whom you love, is hard. And something I'm coming to realise I may not be best suited to, temperamentally.
At 31, I got a job which I thought would become my lifelong career. It was a marketing communications role with a national retailer who was in the process of becoming an international presence. I spent over 3hrs a day, across two buses and 25mins each way of walking, to get to that job. I loved it. I made friends within my all-male team. I felt like I belonged somewhere, for the first time in my life.
Then the second of the two buses each way I needed to get to the job got scrapped. Walking from the city centre out to the job site, having got into the city on the earliest bus I could get, would have seen me be almost an hour late to work. Walking back wouldn't have been possible at all in winter - I'm night blind, and the first four of the six mile walk had neither pavements or streetlights. On one occassion, walking back to the bus stop, I fell into an unguarded roadwork trench (and still turned up, relying on a walking stick, cut and bruised, the next day - we were going into Black Friday, and I'd only started three weeks before...) Taking taxis in wasn't possible - they were all committed to school runs, and the £18 a trip fare wasn't affordable five days a week, twice a day.
Had that bus been scrapped six months later, I'd probably still have that job, because the company would have been compelled by the Covid-19 pandemic to allow working from home. At the time, in 2019? I asked. They refused. The role, they insisted, could not be worked remotely. I couldn't afford to live nearer to work (houses within walking distance were going for over £300k in 2019...at the time I'd've been lucky to get £80k for the house I'd brought in 2014 for £69,500... I didn't earn enough to meet the income requirements for rentals that were more than a room in someone else's house in that area, and, having a wife and pets, living in one room whilst still maintaining another house wasn't an option - my wife's disabilities mean she's never been able to work, so it's always just been my income.) My only option was to resign.
I resigned, and went into my third business, using the degree I'd completed online whilst working this job, a Bsc in Nutrition and Natural Medicine. I created lifestyle regime templates, and made skincare, both of which I sold at fairs as a lead-in to promoting my one-to-one consultancy services...
...things were just starting to go well, with the first consultations coming in from the fairs...
...and then the pandemic hit. Fairs stopped.
I pivoted to online, offering wellbeing support for free to those affected by the pandemic, promoting my consultations (which could be done remotely) - unfortunately, naturopathy wasn't as well known in the UK as it has come to be, and my business didn't have the brand recognition, to sustain the online pivot. If the pandemic hadn't happened, and I'd been able to continue working the fairs? I think it would have only taken 6 months to a year for me build that level of brand recognition.
During the pandemic, my wife's health issues meant we had to be a shielding household. That made things very difficult; I did manage to get a 1yr fixed term contract with a local non-profit, which could be worked remotely; however, the contract was only ever going to be that one year, as it was about bringing together two services within the organisation; once they were joined up, I wasn't needed.
Two subsequent jobs, one of which I very much saw as potentially being a career, ended because of the attitudes of employers towards both my sight loss and my mental illness.
I pivoted to online, offering wellbeing support for free to those affected by the pandemic, promoting my consultations (which could be done remotely) - unfortunately, naturopathy wasn't as well known in the UK as it has come to be, and my business didn't have the brand recognition, to sustain the online pivot. If the pandemic hadn't happened, and I'd been able to continue working the fairs? I think it would have only taken 6 months to a year for me build that level of brand recognition.
During the pandemic, my wife's health issues meant we had to be a shielding household. That made things very difficult; I did manage to get a 1yr fixed term contract with a local non-profit, which could be worked remotely; however, the contract was only ever going to be that one year, as it was about bringing together two services within the organisation; once they were joined up, I wasn't needed.
Two subsequent jobs, one of which I very much saw as potentially being a career, ended because of the attitudes of employers towards both my sight loss and my mental illness.
Currently, after 18months of unsuccessful job applications, I have one freelance contract. Which will end in December.
And that brings us (finally!) back to SMOULDER. I know I want to work freelance going forward. That way of working supports my physical and mental wellbeing best, and also allows me to be present for the supportive care needs my wife has. It makes working whilst not being able to drive a lot easier.
My Life Direction is one of long walks through woods and meadows, and along riverbanks. I'm happy to work in my natural way, in a freelance capacity, for the rest of my life. I can see the next 40yrs being entirely manageable with 2-3 days per week working in consultation with senior leaders, writing articles, maybe running a course once a quarter. My Life Direction is towards new connections, within familiar settings, at a moderate pace.
Knowing my Life Direction is what is making it possible for me to let go of the resentment, anger, shame, and frustration of having "wasted" the "prime earning years" of my 20s, and "lost" those of my 30s to circumstances that were entirely beyond my control.
That Life Direction is what I refer to whenever I have a new opportunity to consider, or a new decision to make.
Your Life Direction will be yours. It is likely to be very different to mine - but you need to know what it is, because your Life Direction is what allows you to effectively assess and choose between opportunities.
For one-to-one guidance around identifying your Life Direction, and SMOULDER, drop me an email - theproductivepessimist@yahoo.com
And that brings us (finally!) back to SMOULDER. I know I want to work freelance going forward. That way of working supports my physical and mental wellbeing best, and also allows me to be present for the supportive care needs my wife has. It makes working whilst not being able to drive a lot easier.
My Life Direction is one of long walks through woods and meadows, and along riverbanks. I'm happy to work in my natural way, in a freelance capacity, for the rest of my life. I can see the next 40yrs being entirely manageable with 2-3 days per week working in consultation with senior leaders, writing articles, maybe running a course once a quarter. My Life Direction is towards new connections, within familiar settings, at a moderate pace.
Knowing my Life Direction is what is making it possible for me to let go of the resentment, anger, shame, and frustration of having "wasted" the "prime earning years" of my 20s, and "lost" those of my 30s to circumstances that were entirely beyond my control.
That Life Direction is what I refer to whenever I have a new opportunity to consider, or a new decision to make.
Your Life Direction will be yours. It is likely to be very different to mine - but you need to know what it is, because your Life Direction is what allows you to effectively assess and choose between opportunities.
For one-to-one guidance around identifying your Life Direction, and SMOULDER, drop me an email - theproductivepessimist@yahoo.com
.jfif)
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