Recently, I have come to have some feelings about the rise of trans men with a strong internet presence who have very recently started presenting themselves in feminine clothing, and talking much more frequently than previously about "being non-binary."
I use the quotation marks not because I dispute the existence of non-binary as a valid concept; I have several friends, whom I met and know in the physical world, who are non-binary. Their energy verifies their assertion of their identity. They are non-binary, whatever that truly means - I respect the concept without fully understanding it, the same way as I respect the concept of quantum physics without fully understanding it. In the case of people I have only encountered online, and whom I initially encountered as people stating they were binary trans men, I use the quotation marks because I feel that "non-binary" isn't their gender - it is an obligation. They are told that masculinity is unacceptable. If they want to gain traction, they have to be other than "male", because male is irrelevant and unacceptable in the online world.
I only see this obligation with online AFAB (Assigned Female At Birth) people who claim a non-binary identity, both trans men, and those who present in a very cis-normative way, but claim they are either non-binary, or, increasingly, "trans masc", those handy contemporary versions of "I'm not like the other girls!" that are accepted while the latter is derided as "un-femininst."
Being supportive of genuine feminism - the idea that women are equal to men because they are human beings, as men are human beings, however they present, whatever they pursue as occupation, however they behave, whatever they want for themselves - and that women, like men, are free to make whatever choices they feel best for themselves; having children or not, pursuing a career or prioritising a family, being concerned with fashion and appearance, or being focused on education and professional success - is, online, for those who are not minded to agree with the likes of JK Rowling and Andrew Tate, at least, not enough; you can't just be genuinely, sustainably feminist; you must be feminine. Especially if you're claiming to have transitioned to a male role - which, otherwise, is unconscionable, because "masculinity is inherently toxic!"
But trans men defaulting to the negation of their male gender, and agreeing with the internet, and with Queer Leftism that they are "non-binary" - and therefore "acceptable as masculine-presenting people" - are harming men, and thus becoming the enemy within; if everyone agrees that, because they're a good man, a man who supports women, they're "non-binary", cis men are actively prevented from being good men. Binary trans men are actively prevented from being allowed to inhabit their gender naturally and fully, without harassment from others. The insistence that a masculine male identity cannot be a positive identity means that those who are masculine men will default to a position that they must dismiss women, must see women as lesser - less competent, less deserving - because to do otherwise means they can't be masculine men.
The non-binary people I know personally, including some people I only know online, are non-binary. Their energy confirms their identity. Even when they are presenting in clothing which society does nt consider the clothing of people with their assigned sex, they look right. They are wearing their clothes; their clothes are another layer of their personality, added depth and texture.
The people I'm speaking of here, the people who "suddenly announce" a non-binary identity, particularly trans men who suddenly start presenting in female clothing, are being worn by their clothes; the clothing drowns out the personality. The clothing becomes the focus, in a way that anyone who is genuinely involved in fashion will tell you is always wrong. Clothing should be informed by a person's inherent personality, not simply by what someone feels they should be wearing - it's why people who follow designer trends often look awkward in the trends - the clothes are wearing them, because their personality isn't informing their choice.
As someone who was very masculine even before I realised I was trans - before I even knew trans was something one could be - and who is a masculine, binary trans man, I feel angry. Because the Left are supposed to judge on actions; their whole claim is that they aren't prejudiced - prejudice meaning to "pre-judge", based solely on appearance; yet they consistently judge men on appearance. If you don't present a feminised masculinity, if you don't assert a "non-binary" identity as a man, then you're toxic, evil, the reason everything is as bad as it is. They'll criticise you, claiming that, because people like Tate, Trump, Musk, et al are binary cis men, anyone who is, or identifies with, binary cis maleness is literally exactly like those men. You can't not be like them if you claim a masculine, binary maleness - the future is feminine, after all! And you want to be part of the future, don't you?
I'm going to be part of the future, for as long as my life continues.
In the real world, the offline world, men are as nuanced and complex as women. Most of them are genuinely decent - often more so than many women, because those men will accept that they don't understand women, while women will often derisively announce that they "know exactly what men are about!", whilst getting men completely wrong.
Men are going to be part of the future - and part of the reason that online spaces have rapidly become unsafe and unproductive is because women refuse to accept that, and are behaving in the toxic ways they place on masculinity to actively prevent men from living their gender, the gender they genuinely and sincerely feel themselves to be.
If, as the loud, Queer Leftist brigade claim, "gender is a construct!" - why does someone immediately become "non-binary" because they're a man who wears makeup, or a woman who exclusively takes an aggressively dominant role sexually? Why are those things a negation of a binary gender, if gender doesn't really exist? Why does an AMAB (Assigned Male At Birth) person stop being accepted as non-binary if they never wear feminine clothing, or don't shave their facial hair?
Non-binary does not, and should not, mean "beyond criticism." It isn't "an acceptable man!" or "not like the other girls!" From the people I've met who are non-binary, non-binary is a genuine liminality, a space of genuine body neutrality - because the body is mostly irrelevant, and therefore accepted by default, as irrelevant things are. We change the interiors of our houses, sometimes we add or remove parts of the structure of those houses, but we don't pay attention to the fact that those houses are structures - the structure is essentially irrelevant, and therefore we inhabit housing around the fact that it is a structure of some kind. That's how gender should be - something we inhabit our lives around, something we decorate how we like, without changing the fact that we inhabit a gender, just as we decorate our houses without changing the fact that we live in a structure.
Magic isn't always about transformation. Sometimes, the greatest magic is the power of existing as you truly are.
I am a masculine man.
If it were possible to simply take a pill to become the gender you are? I wouldn't hesitate to take a pill to fully become a cis man.
I was raised by a masculine cis man who taught me that women are human, and, whether they are focused on being housewives and mothers, or on pursuing high-level careers, or seek to combine both, they are deserving of respect and support. Who did housework, who cooked, who handled DIY, who fixed vehicles.
I have friends who are masculine cis men who are loving husbands and active parents, who see women as people and as equals, whether they are attracted to them or not.
I have worked with gentle, intelligent cis men.
And yes - I know many people whose non-binaryness I have no doubts whatsoever about, who are non-binary, in the same way I am a man. Experiences, in both cases, which fit like old, softened leather, moulded to personalities, rather than being the personality.
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