March - mad hares, and the point where it really starts to feel like spring. The perfect analogy for masculinity, especially masculinity in transition; spring "just happens" - on its own timeline, but with predictable signs and pacing. It doesn't matter how wild the winter has been, how dark, cold, and wet the previous weeks have been, spring shows up. There's never any doubt about it, it pays no attention to the kind of weather that's been before, or how people feel about it. It gently arrives, and settles into place.
Hares fight - the quintessential image in Britain of hares is their "boxing matches". Spring gently puts what has been behind it. Hares fight for what they want - but they don't fight all the time.
That's what masculinity often gets wrong; not knowing when to stop fighting, and when to just...arrive. Hares don't fight because it's spring - they fight because spring is when they mate. They don't fight for mates, in the way many people assume - animals which fight during their mating season aren't fighting for the right to be the male who gets the females; they're fighting to be chosen by the females. Not all females will choose the victor in a mating fight between two males - but they fight anyway, because the process of fighting is what allows watching females to make their own choices. In a fight, something is shown about the nature of a male that cannot be seen at peace or at rest.
Fighting isn't about violence inherently; in non-human animals, the energy, dynamism, and range of movement that fighting requires showcases overall health in a way little else can. Teeth are put on display. Flexibility, speed, stamina, and focus, ability to recover from both exertion and injury, are all very clear signs of health.
What does health mean to non-human animals? We're often operating on very human assumptions. Non-human animals have been shown to provide and care for disabled species-members, in a way humans are increasingly turning away from, claiming it's "unnatural", citing "survival of the fittest."
Except "survival of the fittest" never meant the strongest, the fastest, the least unwell, the least disabled, the leanest - it literally meant the most adaptable. Those which could fit themselves to their environment, rather than expecting the environment to remain constantly in line with their best qualities.
In the human world, adaptability is more about mindset than physicality - overpopulation, reliance on buildings and vehicles, and employment, have created a world in which most of us cannot adapt to natural changes and challenges. Instead, we prove our adaptability by responding positively to social demographic changes, by being ready and willing to gain new skills, and by being able to discern between which "reskill in this now!" demands are genuine, and which are just flashes in the pans of privileged people using other peoples' money to create hype around something that is neither necessary nor relevant.
For me, on this journey, I recognise that, while I am socially adaptable, I'm burned out from having had to pivot, skills and career wise, half a dozen times in 14 years. I've never been comfortable with pivoting in this arena; change feels like an existential threat to me when it centres around the way I'm able to make money, and the things people will pay me for being useful in. I'm not someone who is able to predict trends, I've never had money to invest in anything, I've never had the necessary buffer to allow me time to wait and work on things, to give riskier changes time to set in.
But that adaptability, that ability to predict and dance with trends and rising areas of focus, is the epicentre of magic.
I've been the hare, fighting to showcase how well suited for the demands of life I am. Now, it's time for me to be spring, to just arrive as I am, and draw all that is intended for me to me.
How am I going to do that?
. I don't have time to build up investments through stocks, shares, or a pension, and I also feel extremely anxious around illiquid assets; up until now, I pursued high-paying jobs, and have tried to build side hustles to low-wage jobs; for 20yrs, I assumed that one or both of those things would work out, and I'd be able to throw £700-800 a month into investments, and £200-300 a month into savings, and then live on £1,500pm. But I've never been able to earn the £2,500 net which feels like it really isn't an unreasonable ask, despite repeated attempts - in an average year, I'll apply for over 250 £35k a year + jobs. In a year where I'm out of work, that rises to over 600 £35k+ jobs, and over 250 jobs at lower income levels. With stocks and shares not being a realistic option, and time running out, I've made the decision, this year, to begin prioritising buying precious and rare earth metals, which can be sold relatively quickly.
. I've recognised that, when it comes to side hustles, I've previously made the mistake of trying to come up with as many options as I possibly can as quickly as I can, and then become overwhelmed by the volume of follow-through required; I've therefore shifted to a focus of coming up with just TWO ideas which COULD generate at least £15k a year every Sunday morning; those two ideas get followed up through the week, then I move on to identifying two new options, pursue them, having automated chase emails for the previous two ideas. Two ideas a week is manageable. £15k a year feels achievable.
Hares fight - the quintessential image in Britain of hares is their "boxing matches". Spring gently puts what has been behind it. Hares fight for what they want - but they don't fight all the time.
That's what masculinity often gets wrong; not knowing when to stop fighting, and when to just...arrive. Hares don't fight because it's spring - they fight because spring is when they mate. They don't fight for mates, in the way many people assume - animals which fight during their mating season aren't fighting for the right to be the male who gets the females; they're fighting to be chosen by the females. Not all females will choose the victor in a mating fight between two males - but they fight anyway, because the process of fighting is what allows watching females to make their own choices. In a fight, something is shown about the nature of a male that cannot be seen at peace or at rest.
Fighting isn't about violence inherently; in non-human animals, the energy, dynamism, and range of movement that fighting requires showcases overall health in a way little else can. Teeth are put on display. Flexibility, speed, stamina, and focus, ability to recover from both exertion and injury, are all very clear signs of health.
What does health mean to non-human animals? We're often operating on very human assumptions. Non-human animals have been shown to provide and care for disabled species-members, in a way humans are increasingly turning away from, claiming it's "unnatural", citing "survival of the fittest."
Except "survival of the fittest" never meant the strongest, the fastest, the least unwell, the least disabled, the leanest - it literally meant the most adaptable. Those which could fit themselves to their environment, rather than expecting the environment to remain constantly in line with their best qualities.
In the human world, adaptability is more about mindset than physicality - overpopulation, reliance on buildings and vehicles, and employment, have created a world in which most of us cannot adapt to natural changes and challenges. Instead, we prove our adaptability by responding positively to social demographic changes, by being ready and willing to gain new skills, and by being able to discern between which "reskill in this now!" demands are genuine, and which are just flashes in the pans of privileged people using other peoples' money to create hype around something that is neither necessary nor relevant.
For me, on this journey, I recognise that, while I am socially adaptable, I'm burned out from having had to pivot, skills and career wise, half a dozen times in 14 years. I've never been comfortable with pivoting in this arena; change feels like an existential threat to me when it centres around the way I'm able to make money, and the things people will pay me for being useful in. I'm not someone who is able to predict trends, I've never had money to invest in anything, I've never had the necessary buffer to allow me time to wait and work on things, to give riskier changes time to set in.
But that adaptability, that ability to predict and dance with trends and rising areas of focus, is the epicentre of magic.
I've been the hare, fighting to showcase how well suited for the demands of life I am. Now, it's time for me to be spring, to just arrive as I am, and draw all that is intended for me to me.
How am I going to do that?
. I don't have time to build up investments through stocks, shares, or a pension, and I also feel extremely anxious around illiquid assets; up until now, I pursued high-paying jobs, and have tried to build side hustles to low-wage jobs; for 20yrs, I assumed that one or both of those things would work out, and I'd be able to throw £700-800 a month into investments, and £200-300 a month into savings, and then live on £1,500pm. But I've never been able to earn the £2,500 net which feels like it really isn't an unreasonable ask, despite repeated attempts - in an average year, I'll apply for over 250 £35k a year + jobs. In a year where I'm out of work, that rises to over 600 £35k+ jobs, and over 250 jobs at lower income levels. With stocks and shares not being a realistic option, and time running out, I've made the decision, this year, to begin prioritising buying precious and rare earth metals, which can be sold relatively quickly.
. I've recognised that, when it comes to side hustles, I've previously made the mistake of trying to come up with as many options as I possibly can as quickly as I can, and then become overwhelmed by the volume of follow-through required; I've therefore shifted to a focus of coming up with just TWO ideas which COULD generate at least £15k a year every Sunday morning; those two ideas get followed up through the week, then I move on to identifying two new options, pursue them, having automated chase emails for the previous two ideas. Two ideas a week is manageable. £15k a year feels achievable.
. I've recognised that, other than money, I already live the life I want - I'm not ambitious about travel, I don't want brand items, or luxury housing or cars. I don't do "rest" well, therefore retirement wouldn't suit me. I've been told to anticipate losing the remaining 40% of my sight in the next 15yrs, but, even when I can no longer see, I'll be able to talk to people. Text to speech exists now, and is only likely to improve, meaning I'll still be able to work with plain text documents. Speech to text means I will still be able to write. I own my house outright - thanks only to my father dying, and having been responsible enough to maintain a life insurance policy; I inherited half of that (£80k), and, in 2014, my house was £69,950 - it now needs major repairs, which insurance has refused to cover (because the original damage was caused by "vermin" - otherwise known as seagulls - and resulted from "negligence" - my being unable to convince an aggressive, dysfunctional neighbour to not amuse her grandchild by throwing breadcrumbs onto my flat roof, so that they could "watch the birdies" from their window...), so at best I'd only get the purchase price back if I sold the house tomorrow, as I'm having to piecemeal the repairs as and when I can afford them. I wouldn't qualify to rent (Minimum rent for a literal studio flat - ie, a bedsit - in my area, which is very low cost of living, is £465 a month. You have to be able to prove 3x rent as regular income - I do not currently earn £1,395 a month.) My local authority - most local authorities in the UK - is more than willing to let people without kids die in the streets. When I was homeless before my marriage, I was literally told "we're not obliged to house single males - there's no real risk to you on the streets." And that council worker was also aware I was trans, as that had been a contributory factor to my homelessness. (I was unable to live with my mother, as she'd previously attacked me at knifepoint...I got told that it was "understandable that she would have strong feelings about something like that" by this council worker...so much for the online trolls' claims that "trans people will only ever be seen as their biological sex!" So much for "male privilege" - men have some privilege over women, sure - but there are ways women are privileged, too); I don't need to retire. I don't want to retire - I believe I can work for 3-4 days a week until I literally die. I used to feel resentful of my wife for that - her disabilities and health challenges are the reason we only have my income, just as my sight loss is the reason I'm shut out of a lot of gig economy side hustles, and a lot of better paying jobs (because I can't drive, and will never be able to drive); the recent realisation that I don't really do well with "resting", and that, other than the challenges with the condition of the house, I already live a life I'm happy with. I can run this life until the very end - and the type of work I'm best at can literally be done from bed, so ill-health and older age decline aren't really an issue.
. While I know content creation isn't a realistic "career" for me - I need a slower pace than social media allows, I don't have enough contacts for anyone to notice anything I do, I can't afford to buy followers, I would need to use AI editing software to create halfway decent videos, and I'm not clear on whether that would result in a major hissy fit on social - I also know it would be challenging for me to access that potential revenue; in 2010, when the ability to make money on social media really started to become a thing that was accessible for ordinary people, I was taking home £989 a month from a job in finance admin (it's depressing to realise that, even my best paid job in the past three years saw me taking home an equivalent income to that 2010 salary, and that I'm currently earning less than that £989 would be worth today); I was working 50hr weeks, with 2hrs a day of commute (on a bus), and I could only afford pre-paid internet on a dongle, which I could afford to top up by at most £20 a month - being chronically online, much less posting videos, wasn't an option. My laptop at the time didn't have an integral webcam. I didn't have a phone which could record video. I couldn't get in at the ground floor then. During the 2020 spike in content creation potential, I was deep in the weeds of the extreme anxiety of being a carer for a clinically vulnerable spouse. We were a shielding household. My job just...stopped, because the company couldn't see how to pivot to remote work. We didn't get any government support. I remember having to pay £8 on ebay for 2 packs of pasta, so we could actually have food. The first six weeks of lockdown were brutal. I didn't have the mental space for literally anything "quirky and fun". I'm also not naturally wired to be good at video - I communicate better in writing, and I also don't have the equipment to create glossy video content.
But I'm currently planning to do one video a week. Mentally, that's manageable, and it helps me build verbal communication skills, which are going to be increasingly necessary.
But I'm currently planning to do one video a week. Mentally, that's manageable, and it helps me build verbal communication skills, which are going to be increasingly necessary.
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