If you watch "non-manosphere YouTube", particularly channels focusing on books or art, you'll quickly realise that pretty much every young, stereotypically attractive, white female host will go on, at significant length, in pretty much every intro to every video, and often in the middle of the actual content of their videos, and as part of their outros, about how "no one liked them" when they were in high school, how they'd "never fitted in anywhere, never really had friends...", how they'd "always been this lonely, awkward, unwanted person" - until, of course, they "found YouTube, and people just showed up for me talking randomly!" (this often happened in 2020 "when the world literally went away for me, and I was alone and scared, trapped in my house" - as though there was no pandemic, and, instead, the government just randomly selected a few "pretty-but-def-feel-ugly, neuro-quirky winsome weirdo girlie pops" and literally chained their front doors shut...with no acknowledgement that, in China, people were literally welded into tiny apartments during the pandemic. Many went insane. Many killed themselves in the madness that they were thrown into...meanwhile, in Britain and America, people brazenly refused to wear masks, gathered dozens of people for barbecues every weekend, "because it's outside, so it's fine!", crowded around beaches and parks whose public toilets were closed, shitting in takeaway boxes, even though they'd been told public toilets were closed, flocked to supermarkets every single day, because "we're allowed! I've decided I need to buy more stuff, on top of the stuff I bought yesterday!" They demanded the less well off put themselves at risk delivering crap they ordered from shitty online retailers, or bringing them takeaways..)
Absolutely, making content that gains and maintains traction is hard. I can't do it - I can't afford the kit I'd need to give a slick impression whilst filming, I can't see well enough to edit videos, I can't afford to pay an editor, and it's not worth the hassle of being a literal nobody who genuinely needs to use AI - that just results in screaming, the blame for the entirety of global poverty and climate change being thrown at you, because you dared to use an AI video editor, so, on top of those systemic evils, you literally, single-handedly, are the sole reason that professional video editors are literally starving to death, and you should never be allowed on the internet ever again. (Funny how multi-national companies, billionaires, and vapid celebrities are never screamed at for their use of generative AI to anything like the same extent ordinary people just struggling to figure life out are...but that's not my business, just like the fact that the loudest "OMG, die in a ditch for daring to use AI editing software, you capatilist-simping whorebitch fuck!" crowd are very quick to lap up content which is upfront admitted as being AI when it comes from "marginalised neurodivergent global majority" creators also isn't my business...even though the poorest people in the global south, which will definitely include neurodivergent people in those communities, are going to be the first, and most severely, impacted by the economic damage generative AI currently does, as well as currently often being the exploited labour behind multi-million dollar profit AI firms owned and run by Western entrepreneurs and companies...)
Content creation is hard. Done properly, it definitely is as real a job as retail, bar work, care, teaching, or white collar office work. But if men pulled the same "I was just a lonely, ugly, unpopular high school kid, ooo-wooo", especially well into their twenties, and sometimes even their thirties, the internet would never shut up mocking them, telling them they had "no right" to be on the internet, accusing them of "demanding women soothe their hurt baby feelings by supporting their bullshit self-indulgent podcasts" - the fact that women running YouTube channels are routinely recognised as "content creators", and people reference "their channels", while men are dismissed as "podcast bros", and faces pulled about "what is about how every man thinks he should have a podcast?", even when the women are also actually presenting a podcast. They would be told to "get over it", that "high school was years ago, grow up!" Men referencing literally any struggle we ever have are accused of "pity marketing", and dismissed as "clearly untalented, because if they actually had any competence whatsoever, they wouldn't need to whine about how people didn't like them when they were thirteen."
The same double standard happens with working out - women are "investing in their old-lady bodies", are "ensuring they can be independent as elders"; men are selfish, self-obsessed gymbros.
It happens with books - women reading male authors "literally have no choice but to allow the patriarchy into even their down time!", while men reading male authors "hate women, and don't respect the work of female writers."
It happens with music - men get demands to "name five female musicians!", yet at the same time are presented as "definitely gay, but way in the closet, lol" when they do listen to women. And it's more often women who are loudly announcing that men who listen to female musicians, appreciate female artists, or read female writers are "clearly actually gay!" (Make it make sense...I'll be re-immersing myself in the works of Freida Kahlo, maybe blasting some Chapelle Roan, and reading Lionel Shriver - who, yes, is a cisgender woman...look her up.)
Absolutely, making content that gains and maintains traction is hard. I can't do it - I can't afford the kit I'd need to give a slick impression whilst filming, I can't see well enough to edit videos, I can't afford to pay an editor, and it's not worth the hassle of being a literal nobody who genuinely needs to use AI - that just results in screaming, the blame for the entirety of global poverty and climate change being thrown at you, because you dared to use an AI video editor, so, on top of those systemic evils, you literally, single-handedly, are the sole reason that professional video editors are literally starving to death, and you should never be allowed on the internet ever again. (Funny how multi-national companies, billionaires, and vapid celebrities are never screamed at for their use of generative AI to anything like the same extent ordinary people just struggling to figure life out are...but that's not my business, just like the fact that the loudest "OMG, die in a ditch for daring to use AI editing software, you capatilist-simping whorebitch fuck!" crowd are very quick to lap up content which is upfront admitted as being AI when it comes from "marginalised neurodivergent global majority" creators also isn't my business...even though the poorest people in the global south, which will definitely include neurodivergent people in those communities, are going to be the first, and most severely, impacted by the economic damage generative AI currently does, as well as currently often being the exploited labour behind multi-million dollar profit AI firms owned and run by Western entrepreneurs and companies...)
Content creation is hard. Done properly, it definitely is as real a job as retail, bar work, care, teaching, or white collar office work. But if men pulled the same "I was just a lonely, ugly, unpopular high school kid, ooo-wooo", especially well into their twenties, and sometimes even their thirties, the internet would never shut up mocking them, telling them they had "no right" to be on the internet, accusing them of "demanding women soothe their hurt baby feelings by supporting their bullshit self-indulgent podcasts" - the fact that women running YouTube channels are routinely recognised as "content creators", and people reference "their channels", while men are dismissed as "podcast bros", and faces pulled about "what is about how every man thinks he should have a podcast?", even when the women are also actually presenting a podcast. They would be told to "get over it", that "high school was years ago, grow up!" Men referencing literally any struggle we ever have are accused of "pity marketing", and dismissed as "clearly untalented, because if they actually had any competence whatsoever, they wouldn't need to whine about how people didn't like them when they were thirteen."
The same double standard happens with working out - women are "investing in their old-lady bodies", are "ensuring they can be independent as elders"; men are selfish, self-obsessed gymbros.
It happens with books - women reading male authors "literally have no choice but to allow the patriarchy into even their down time!", while men reading male authors "hate women, and don't respect the work of female writers."
It happens with music - men get demands to "name five female musicians!", yet at the same time are presented as "definitely gay, but way in the closet, lol" when they do listen to women. And it's more often women who are loudly announcing that men who listen to female musicians, appreciate female artists, or read female writers are "clearly actually gay!" (Make it make sense...I'll be re-immersing myself in the works of Freida Kahlo, maybe blasting some Chapelle Roan, and reading Lionel Shriver - who, yes, is a cisgender woman...look her up.)
It is not wrong for men who are not gay to not want to be called gay. Our sexuality is a key aspect not just of who we are, but how we interact with other people, and how we place ourselves in our society. It's why, even though I have some intimate-interaction interest in certain types of men, as well as romantic attraction to women, I don't call myself "bi", outside of the times I'm specifically looking to meet men to enact my particular kind of intimate interests with, because I don't have any kind of need for the social network placements of openly announcing myself as bisexual, so I leave that space for those for whom those identity-primed positions and networks hold significant relevance and importance.
If you want men to engage with female content, female creators, if you want them to realise women can offer the same range of personalities and interests, the same potential for genuine friendship, as men, you need to not claim things about their identity which are not true when they engage with women, and with things produced by women.
But waving your heterosexuality like a pair of last week's soiled underpants whilst loudly suggesting someone else may not be entirely heterosexual is a very popular way for cisgender, typically white, able-bodied women to snatch up armloads of the very privilege they claim they "are systemically prevented from accessing."
Yes, men need to be better, and do better, in some cases (recent research suggests that's only actually about 10% of cases, rather than "all men"...) Absolutely, men need to see women as people of equal talent, competency, and potential as themselves, and the other men they associate with (and many men already do) - but that change is only going to happen if cis women let go of their preference for getting hold of privilege by the easiest way - trying to deprivilege other people. These women are often the ones making social media posts claiming that "privilege isn't pie - more for other people doesn't mean less for you!" - yet they can't conceive of having privilege unless they not just deprivilege, but also humiliate other people.
And yes - some men do this, too. But the men are rightly called out, often quite loudly, for it.
The women rarely are - in fact, they're often celebrated as "baddies" who are "in their villain era now." (Those terms should be negative judgements, but they're actually the top tier of all possible positive terms.)
If stereotypically attractive, middle-class, white, able bodied cisgender women weren't being privileged at least equivalently to, and often, above, their male equivalents, we wouldn't be seeing trans men harping about their "female socialisation", we wouldn't see trans men identifying as "Sapphic", and attending female-focused Sapphic relationship groups. We wouldn't see trans men posting their "girl mode" photos.
I'm a trans man who is also on the entry-level part of the intersex spectrum; I never had any kind of past as an attractive, desirable, popular "girly girl." I had facial hair, a square jaw, and a deep voice by age 10 (in an era where "transgender" meant "pervert men who wear women's clothes", and definitely wasn't something that was even acknowledged as being possible for children, much less being in any way supported when children identify as trans), and, by fifteen, was a broad-shouldered, tenor-voiced person of almost six foot, with size 10 feet. (At 39, I'm now exactly six feet tall, literally bang on the line - my feet are technically 10.5 - sometimes size 10s fit me, sometimes I need to go for a size 11.) I was nine years old when I cut my hair, changed my name, and insisted I was "going to be a boy when I grew up." I was just five years old when I threw an absolute fit about wearing a female police uniform in a school play. (In the 1990s, female police officers wore a broader, chequered tie, and skirts, with slightly heeled court-style shoes...and carried handbags...very impractical, completely ridiculous...They were also referred to specifically as Women Officers - eg, WPC - Woman Police Constable, and I very clearly remember the absolute meltdown that followed the UK police force deciding it was going to drop the "female identification", and have a single uniform style - the more practical trousers, boots, and tactical belt - for both male and female officers...grown adults were claiming it would be "impossible to follow up with the same officer, because you don't know if they're a man or a woman! What if there's two coppers called Sam Smith - one's Samuel Smith, the other's Samantha Smith?! How are you supposed to identify which one you were talking to?!" They were demanding to know "what's so bad about admitting to being a woman, anyway?! You'd think women would be proud they'd made it into something like the police!") I've never brought up my "female socialisation" - I wasn't socialised as a woman. I wasn't given any direct socialisation at all. As an only child without a lot of extended family around, who was also a child carer, I was taught practical skills; I can cook and clean, I can chop wood, wire a plug, fix a mountain bike, do basic car maintenance, change a tyre, use hand tools for hours at a time, and remember to do laundry.
I was also expected to do emotional labour for basically every adult that ever wandered across my life.
The socialisation I absorbed by osmosis was male socialisation, tempered with "but, hey...I know XY&Z, they're girls, but they seem cool." I read magazines about football and cars. I wore tracksuits and football shirts (I supported Blackburn Rovers - the year I got into football, and chose them as "my" team, because I liked the way Alan Shearer played, they won the Premier League...following them was a falling trend from then on, until I discovered rugby, and got more interested in that.) I climbed trees, I built dens, I rode skateboards and bikes in ways that should have probably prevented me reaching adulthood, but somehow didn't. I took up kickboxing, and had a dream of moving to Thailand and becoming a professional Muay Thai fighter - probably just as well that dream didn't work out, on the "staying alive and at around 80% physically abled" side of life.) I imagined myself being romantically involved with women, exclusively - and I saw it as a purely practical, transactional exchange; I saw myself being romantically involved with women because "that's what you do" and "so I could have someone to handle the housework while I was at work" (That evolved to being with a woman who was also a successful professional, and "being part of a power couple" - that also didn't work out...turns out I don't have an adapter for whatever this timeline's default power supply is, and like attracts like...my wife is great, we have a lot of fun together, but it's not giving power couple, that's for sure.) It wasn't the "I really love women, and I'm imagining all these cute and cosies with another woman" that women who are attracted to women have. (And yes - I include trans women in "women". In all circumstances, and by default. If I am not referring to trans women, I will specifically say cisgender women.)
I wasn't "a girl who became a boy" - I was a weird, fucked-up kid who stumbled into a somewhat semi-functional adulthood. I was someone who was suicidal, and who had attempted suicide multiple three times before I turned 14, who has now not attempted suicide for over three years. I don't have a female background and socialisation I can play on for acceptance and social approval.
If you want men to engage with female content, female creators, if you want them to realise women can offer the same range of personalities and interests, the same potential for genuine friendship, as men, you need to not claim things about their identity which are not true when they engage with women, and with things produced by women.
But waving your heterosexuality like a pair of last week's soiled underpants whilst loudly suggesting someone else may not be entirely heterosexual is a very popular way for cisgender, typically white, able-bodied women to snatch up armloads of the very privilege they claim they "are systemically prevented from accessing."
Yes, men need to be better, and do better, in some cases (recent research suggests that's only actually about 10% of cases, rather than "all men"...) Absolutely, men need to see women as people of equal talent, competency, and potential as themselves, and the other men they associate with (and many men already do) - but that change is only going to happen if cis women let go of their preference for getting hold of privilege by the easiest way - trying to deprivilege other people. These women are often the ones making social media posts claiming that "privilege isn't pie - more for other people doesn't mean less for you!" - yet they can't conceive of having privilege unless they not just deprivilege, but also humiliate other people.
And yes - some men do this, too. But the men are rightly called out, often quite loudly, for it.
The women rarely are - in fact, they're often celebrated as "baddies" who are "in their villain era now." (Those terms should be negative judgements, but they're actually the top tier of all possible positive terms.)
If stereotypically attractive, middle-class, white, able bodied cisgender women weren't being privileged at least equivalently to, and often, above, their male equivalents, we wouldn't be seeing trans men harping about their "female socialisation", we wouldn't see trans men identifying as "Sapphic", and attending female-focused Sapphic relationship groups. We wouldn't see trans men posting their "girl mode" photos.
I'm a trans man who is also on the entry-level part of the intersex spectrum; I never had any kind of past as an attractive, desirable, popular "girly girl." I had facial hair, a square jaw, and a deep voice by age 10 (in an era where "transgender" meant "pervert men who wear women's clothes", and definitely wasn't something that was even acknowledged as being possible for children, much less being in any way supported when children identify as trans), and, by fifteen, was a broad-shouldered, tenor-voiced person of almost six foot, with size 10 feet. (At 39, I'm now exactly six feet tall, literally bang on the line - my feet are technically 10.5 - sometimes size 10s fit me, sometimes I need to go for a size 11.) I was nine years old when I cut my hair, changed my name, and insisted I was "going to be a boy when I grew up." I was just five years old when I threw an absolute fit about wearing a female police uniform in a school play. (In the 1990s, female police officers wore a broader, chequered tie, and skirts, with slightly heeled court-style shoes...and carried handbags...very impractical, completely ridiculous...They were also referred to specifically as Women Officers - eg, WPC - Woman Police Constable, and I very clearly remember the absolute meltdown that followed the UK police force deciding it was going to drop the "female identification", and have a single uniform style - the more practical trousers, boots, and tactical belt - for both male and female officers...grown adults were claiming it would be "impossible to follow up with the same officer, because you don't know if they're a man or a woman! What if there's two coppers called Sam Smith - one's Samuel Smith, the other's Samantha Smith?! How are you supposed to identify which one you were talking to?!" They were demanding to know "what's so bad about admitting to being a woman, anyway?! You'd think women would be proud they'd made it into something like the police!") I've never brought up my "female socialisation" - I wasn't socialised as a woman. I wasn't given any direct socialisation at all. As an only child without a lot of extended family around, who was also a child carer, I was taught practical skills; I can cook and clean, I can chop wood, wire a plug, fix a mountain bike, do basic car maintenance, change a tyre, use hand tools for hours at a time, and remember to do laundry.
I was also expected to do emotional labour for basically every adult that ever wandered across my life.
The socialisation I absorbed by osmosis was male socialisation, tempered with "but, hey...I know XY&Z, they're girls, but they seem cool." I read magazines about football and cars. I wore tracksuits and football shirts (I supported Blackburn Rovers - the year I got into football, and chose them as "my" team, because I liked the way Alan Shearer played, they won the Premier League...following them was a falling trend from then on, until I discovered rugby, and got more interested in that.) I climbed trees, I built dens, I rode skateboards and bikes in ways that should have probably prevented me reaching adulthood, but somehow didn't. I took up kickboxing, and had a dream of moving to Thailand and becoming a professional Muay Thai fighter - probably just as well that dream didn't work out, on the "staying alive and at around 80% physically abled" side of life.) I imagined myself being romantically involved with women, exclusively - and I saw it as a purely practical, transactional exchange; I saw myself being romantically involved with women because "that's what you do" and "so I could have someone to handle the housework while I was at work" (That evolved to being with a woman who was also a successful professional, and "being part of a power couple" - that also didn't work out...turns out I don't have an adapter for whatever this timeline's default power supply is, and like attracts like...my wife is great, we have a lot of fun together, but it's not giving power couple, that's for sure.) It wasn't the "I really love women, and I'm imagining all these cute and cosies with another woman" that women who are attracted to women have. (And yes - I include trans women in "women". In all circumstances, and by default. If I am not referring to trans women, I will specifically say cisgender women.)
I wasn't "a girl who became a boy" - I was a weird, fucked-up kid who stumbled into a somewhat semi-functional adulthood. I was someone who was suicidal, and who had attempted suicide multiple three times before I turned 14, who has now not attempted suicide for over three years. I don't have a female background and socialisation I can play on for acceptance and social approval.
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